Love with an Open Hand

For the past four years I have been teaching high school math to various grade levels at NCAI. I had no prior classroom experience, but I had plenty of tutoring experience through all the different children who have been part of our ministry. Every year I have taught, I have gained new understanding and learned new strategies to improve as a teacher. One of the strategies that has been in the limelight for me recently is making students take time to reflect.

Since the first day of math class I knew I wanted students to learn from their mistakes. I always told them to correct their mistakes and I offered them the opportunity to make corrections on all of their work. I believe we should all learn from our mistakes. Instead of having students feel bad about making a mistake, I wanted them to see it as an opportunity to learn. However, not many students took advantage of the opportunities, and I didn’t understand why. Then one day our teacher professional development program talked about the need to teach students to reflect. That was it! I had assumed they knew how to reflect on their mistakes and learn from them, but in fact they were showing me they didn’t. Now I am intentionally making them stop and reflect, seeking to incorporate that practice into our routines.

The renewed focus on reflection with my students has prompted my own reflection. Looking back over the past decade, there are a myriad of thoughts and feelings that surface. Some great memories cause smiles to come across my face. Some hard memories cause me to cringe inside. Some emotional memories cause me to close up and want to shut down. Some make me laugh. Some make me want to cry. On the one hand, that’s just life. On the other hand, I know that’s an oversimplification. The LORD has taken us on a different road than most, and that road has been heavy laiden.

In the last post, I asked for prayer for Jan. I first met Jan when I held him in my arms the day after he was born. After we started our ministry program, his mom asked if he could join. We walked together along that road for 10 years. He utlimately made the decision to leave the ministry at the end of 2020, a few weeks short of finishing 7th grade. During his first year removed from the ministry, he tried to work, thought about going back to school, hung around his neighborhood, bounced to a different neighborhood with other family members, and never settled in anywhere. I wrote a year and a half ago about my first encounter with him since he had left. It was emotional for the both of us, and by God’s grace brought healing as well. I would get some news every few months after that, but then his sister called me at the end of last year asking for help.

Jan was addicted to drugs, and his addiction led to his behavior being out of control. The family wanted to get him into a rehab center. I was able to take him to one that I knew, but because he is still 17 and a minor, the center was not able to offer him a place. In our time together, Jan was very reflective. He said he regreted so many things, and wished he could go back in time. He recalled fun memories, and wanted to call Angela and Victoria, the women who had cared for him so many years in the ministry home. He laughed and cried on the phone with Jessenia, remembering all the words and love she poured into him all those years. We had a good day together. Yet I could see the signs of addiction. He even had some withdrawal symptoms during our hours together.

Jan’s mom went to the police and planned to take him to their juvenile rehab center. We agreed to cover the cost if she would simply make the legal arrangements. This has been our plan for the past 6 weeks, but she has her own issues and has not successfully completed the process. So we wait. We wait and we pray. I thank God for His leading and teaching. Years ago, I would have been very burdened by Jan, trying to carry the weight myself. Now, I have a much healthier burden for Jan. I love him, long for his deliverance and healing, and hold him before the LORD with an open hand.

Now the same must hold true for Margine. At the end of January we found out that she is pregnant, with the baby due in May. The father is a young man from her neighborhood that she no longer has a relationship with. In the meantime, she is starting her first quarter of university since she was signed up and paid for before we knew. She is studying English, but will obviously have her studies interrupted when the baby is born. It is hard to imagine her as a responsible mother. She will be loving and affectionate because that’s who she is, but our prayers for her in these coming months are for a shift in her mindset as another life depends on her. Thankfully her mom will be with her through it all.

While we’re on the subject, I thought I’d share about several others that used to be a part of our ministry. One of Jan’s sisters, Britany, was in the ministry for several years before leaving when she was 15. She lives near Jan and her mom, and has two girls of her own. Diana and Elias were sort of the founding members of our ministry but left the program in 2017. I feel blessed to know that most people reading this have been getting these updates since before that. In 2020 she met a guy named Victor and the two of them now live on the Costa Rica side of the Panama border. Victor has a work visa to go into Panama and work with his uncle there, while Diana stays home and cares for her 3 children. Her brother Elias remains in Nicaragua but I only get irregular communication with him. Tatiana recently moved to Panama with her boyfriend, leaving her two boys with family in Nicaragua.

Margine’s older brother Noel has worked a steady job since graduating high school in 2023, though he did stop his college classes after just a few months. He has talked about taking up the classes again, but has not taken any steps as far as I know. Bianca continues to study business administration in college, though she switched to weekend classes so she could work full-time. She is now responsible for Jeremy and Vanessa since their mother went to Honduras to work with a family member. Jeremy is in 10th grade and remains good-natured and good-hearted, which we pray persists despite the environment surrounding his neighborhood (same neighborhood as Jan). Vanessa is full of life, singing and dancing most days. She misses her mom and has found the adjustment to high school (7th grade) a little difficult. But in general she is also in good spirits, especially while at tutoring. Ezequiel is struggling academically as he begins 6th grade, but he continues to enjoy school and being with friends there. We pray he continues to grow in responsibility and adapt strategies to help himself be successful despite his learning difficulties.

The Bain family is doing well. It is an incredibly busy season of life right now, especially for me with teaching and school, ministry responsibilities, and even some more potential changes. My days seem too full, as I have not had any margin during the weeks. Yet God is amazing and faithful and carries us through. In fact, Jessenia and I were recently praising and thanking Him that our marriage is stronger now than ever before. God’s Love and security has surrounded us in new ways, and while we are open to what He has in store, we are content with what He has given us. Blessed be the Name of the LORD!

We always appreciate your prayers. Pray for Bianca, Jeremy, Vanessa and their mom Francisca. Pray for Noel, Ezequiel, Margine and their mom Alba as they prepare for the arrival of a little one. Pray for Jan, Britany and his family as they try to get him to rehab, but even more so that they all surrender their lives to Jesus and be built upon the Rock. Pray for Tatiana and Diana as they live in other countries, that they know their home is always in their Heavenly Father. Pray for Elias, Elena, Fabiola, Ruth, Jessenia Silva, Rosa Esmeralda, Aleska, Elaysa, Claribel and Wendy, that they know the LORD has never left nor forsaken them. Holy is the LORD.